You know as much as I have changed from the boy that no matter what happened to him always had hope, to the cynical man that has grave concerns for our species, there is still some of that old wide-eyed boy left in me. And the holidays always reminds me of that.
The first Christmas that I remember was when I was just a small child - no older then 4 or 5. My parents were still married then and I remember going downstairs Christmas Eve ( I don't remember why) and seeing them. Now I remember it as putting doubt in my mind about Santa, but that may have been a memory I added later. But either way, an experience that could have ruined it for me never lessened the fun and joy and the sense of magic that I had and looked forward to during the holiday season.
For me it always began with Jerry Lewis and his telethon. That was the start of the best time of year for me. Not only because of the holidays, but because I liked to play hockey and go sledding, and I knew that that was getting close. I always looked forward to the telethon because I like Jerry Lewis, and I grew up watching variety shows so I knew that there would be lots of entertainment like that, and it was just such an event. And back in those days during the 60's and 70's, Jerry was still fairly young and most of the great stars were still around. It was always fun to watch. I watched the telethon pretty religiously up into the late 80's, I guess.
Of course there was always a gap after that until the next big holiday of Halloween. But there was always school to help pass the time. Every year until we got too old my brother and I would dress up and go trick or treating. I remember one year, here in Indy, I won a contest for best costume at a roller rink by going as Frankenstein's monster. I feel sort of sorry for kids these days during Halloween. When I was young there was no news of someone poisoning kids or any of that sort of thing, that I remember anyway. And it was always much more popular as well. The streets would be lousy with kids, and it wasn't hard finding houses to go to - and no one was preaching against like they do today. I don't recall ever hearing a peep out of my Pastor or anyone from my church about it. I bet I didn't eat candy for a month after finishing all the candy we would get. I always looked forward to carving a pumpkin and having the parties too.
And of course there was always the Peanuts "Great Pumpkin" Halloween show every year to look forward to as well. And probably the best part for a young boy was the monster movies they would show. I think every city had their own local guy or gal that did a Friday night horror show. Sammy Terry (get it?) is the one I remember the most. I was always scared to death of horror movies, but I watched them anyway. I do remember as a small boy being too scared to watch "Frankenstein" when I was visiting the farm of a friend of my dad. I remember staying outside (in the dark out in the country) rather than watching it.
Every year after Halloween, the day after, I was zoned in on Christmas. As much as I loved Thanksgiving, I think it was more about the countdown beginning for Christmas after Thanksgiving, then it was the food or anything else; but I still anticipated it greatly. It always meant great food; the Macy's parade; football; and just great times. I really loved when there were lots of people around. A few times I remember having it at my grandmother's house which was fun. But waking up to the smell of my mother's cooking in our house Thanksgiving morning was a treat that can't be topped. I'm sure everyone has there own memory of things like that. At least I hope so. Our family wasn't the happiest, and there were lots of problems and bad memories, but Thanksgiving was always happy as I remember it.
On TV, aside from the parade (which I really loved) and football games, there was the Peanuts Thanksgiving show. I don't think we watched it every year, but I always tried to. You know, looking back, I think food was such a big part of the reason I liked the holiday season. The Thanksgiving meal always ended in the early afternoon, and I just knew that I would eat at least one more time before the day was over. My poor mother would almost always take a nap in the afternoon, and then after she woke up we would usually go to a movie and then come back and eat again.
And man the best part was the leftovers - and there were always leftovers. For many years (after I had gotten older) my mom would make a huge turkey pot pie that would last a week. And she always made it to order. I was so spoiled.
I don't remember if we went out on the Friday or Saturday after Thanksgiving (probably Saturday since my mother worked), but we would always go out to get a tree up until I was in my early 20's. After that the family pretty much disintegrated, and getting a tree was always something I missed. I must say, I think I was a master tree decorator. Everyone always said I put to much tinsel (I called them icicles) on the tree, but I just loved grabbing a handful of it from the package and tossing it on the tree. It made a holy hell of a mess to clean up after the season was over, but it was worth it. When I was younger I really loved going out with mom and my brother while she shopped. I'm pretty sure she would always go alone when she would buy our big gifts.
I remember one year when I was probably 12 or so and I met her at the back door when she was bringing in a goalie stick that she got me for Christmas and it nearly broke her heart that I saw it. She really loved to surprise us. One year I got a ping pong table. Another year she got me a pinball machine. Not the huge arcade type, but one you would get from a catalog. But it was still great. I remember my brother got the coolest pachinko machine one year. She never got us just one or two gifts, it was usually closer to 10 or so. I can't tell you the anticipation that I felt every year as Christmas Day neared. I would always have a hard time sleeping on Christmas Eve, and would get up (like all kids) as early as possible. Man, seeing the tree lit up and loaded with gifts all wrapped up was always the most magical thing a kid could see.
Another great part of the Christmas season was the store displays and the houses all lit up. I always got a big kick out of putting up a display on our own house. I would string lights on the bushes and the porch, and then put up a wreath on the door, a couple of lighted figures on the railing and candle lights in the windows. When I was still a young boy, lots of stores would put displays in the windows and inside their stores. When we moved from Indy I really missed the Monument Circle display and couldn't wait til we would come down to visit the week before Christmas. As I got older fewer and fewer stores would put up displays. It does seem like that's becoming popular again.
Mom would always take me and my brother around town to see the houses lit up, and we would sing carols in the car. As a matter of fact, my best friend and I went out a couple of years singing carols in the neighborhood and got fed and such. Man, you really don't see people singing carols anymore. Even a mean old atheist like me wouldn't mind seeing that. Of course mom would always make a huge Christmas dinner with plenty of leftovers. I'm here to tell you, as much as I love turkey - and it's your Cadillac of meats to me - I'm glad I became a vegetarian later in life, because I would have been a hypocrite twice a year. Turkey with gravy, turkey sandwiches, and turkey pot pie. Man oh man!
And yes, there were the TV shows every year. I never missed Rudolph, Peanuts (Charlie Brown) or the Grinch. And I would try to watch the others as well like Frosty, and the one with Fred Astaire. Nowadays "A Christmas Story" and "It's a Wonderful Life" are probably the most popular movies to watch during the season, but back in those days I would always look forward to "Miracle on 34th Street" and "A Christmas Carol" more than any others. But there were several others that we would try to watch as well. Movies like "Holiday Inn" and "White Christmas", were favorites as well. And some years we would watch "Going My Way", "The Bells of St Mary's" and/or "The Miracle of the Bells". As an adult I became fond of the ones already mentioned along with "The Santa Clause" 1&2 and a few others.
I left out visiting Santa at the mall. Honestly, I think I probably did that only a few times. I'm not exactly sure why. I think I probably stopped believing at an early age, and probably didn't see the point - I honestly don't know. Maybe I was just scared.
You know we were always poor, but mom always tried to make things good for us at Christmas. I can't imagine how hard it was for her. She died broke and never thought of herself in trying to make me and my brother happy as well as my nephews later on. I really miss her, and despite the bad things in my childhood and the mistakes that she made, she always did what she thought was right and did her best to make us happy - especially during the holidays. And despite how much I hated my step dad (and he deserved it), he did work hard for most of those years which helped to make those Christmases possible. Even though I know I did get some good from my former beliefs and the good from them still remains, I do feel that much of my youth was wasted on religion. However, despite that I'm still thankful for those happy and joyful times and believe that some good came out of my youthful naivete and I would never want to forget those memories.
Yeah, I'm a mean old vegetarian atheist now that doesn't really celebrate the holidays anymore or gorge myself like I used to love to do, and I do find it hard to make myself joyful with what I know about the world today, but despite all of that, there is still a part of me that would love to experience those feelings again - the innocence, the pure joy and wonderment of the season. Believe me, I do understand the attraction of the holiday season and the concomitant attraction of religion; those aren't easy things to give up and I don't begrudge anyone that celebrates the season and gets joy from it - especially those that wish the same joy for people that don't take part in the holidays.
So in the spirit of happy memories and joy, and the hope that we don't lose the spirit of giving and love no matter the time of year or what we believe, I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year!
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